So this is strange for me, I'm posting like....more than once a month. Very strange. So just an update on life and plans for the future.

Right now I'm having girl problems, I want what can't have. While at the same time I don't want what I can have, and all at the same time, I don't want anything. I'm putting a little bit of faith in a girl in my life and if it doesn't work out, then I guess its a good thing I don't mind being alone.

So, college is really annoying, I the social aspect (as in talking to people i don't want to) is quite irritating, I don't like people, and I really don't like new people. I'm looking into changing my major and getting whatever writing degree BCC has to offer, but I also have to look at UAA and see if anything I will have finished or hope to have finished will transfer. And of course I still haven't looked at if i have to actually live in Alaska for a year before i got to school there or not. I don't think I do, but you don't know with these kinds of things. So the publishing thing didn't go well. The guy made it sound a lot better than what they were actually offering, so we didn't waste out time.

Okay so I am in need of a rant/vent.

okay today is the last day of the fourth week of school. College is really wearing me out. I kinda sorta get most of the math we've done so far, and anything i do understand was given in a review class. less then 5 minuets a topic and now get more then half of them...I'm not really all that fond of the way she teaches. And when you come in for help, forget about. She is usually the most mad at people who don't get help when they need it. I've gone in the most time out of any student this year and she hates me, like the most. An every other kid in my class will vouch for me. But aside from math both my computer class are proving to be a ton harder than i thought. the work is easy enough, there is just a ton of it, and one of the teachers basically has to classes, lecture, and lab or to separate classes as far as she is concerned. which is all to aggravating. luckily my college writing class is going well. First real paper, 5-6 pages, is due on Monday. I have some minor revision to do but I'm hoping that should be relatively easy.

Oh and I'm friends with Mandi again ^-^ Its nice to have someone to talk to. Since she seams to be online like all the time, I don't feel as alone anymore.

So life is going along.
I started college three weeks ago, and it isn't enjoyable in the least. Even the classes I thought would be fun are turning out to be a nightmare. I think I'm going to fail calculus, either that or have to take college pre-calc which I will also fail. I am currently looking for a job in my physical being, as well as looking around the internet for poetry contests with publication as a prize. I'm trying to get published, and once I do I will need to find an agent because I'm a little bit to busy right now without worrying about that kinda crap. I want to change majors and I am worried my father wont pay for me to change to an English major. I wanted to move out by the summers end. It never happened cause I didn't get a job. I wanted to move out before the first semester was over. I probably still wont have a job so that wont happen. My social life is suffering from all the work I have to do all the time. I don't have enough time in a day to do all my work and have some time for myself so I don't go insane. I'm running out of money really fast, and I wanted to try to save some of it for moving out. And people the I invest myself in emotionally (not romantically, just emotionally, you know, the people I care about), are either drifting away from me, or just seam completely uninterested in the fact that I give a shit about them. Everything is really weighing down and ass you can see I am forced to expel everything in a really long vent rather than do my school work due in less than an hour.

Okay a little update.
Turns out the day is looking up a little bit. The other day mom went online for me and looking for a guild to getting published submitted my information and that I had enough stuff to make a book. I got a call today at 4:32pm from a publishing company curious about "my book" fuck. If shit is looking up any/everyone who has commented my journal or deviants before this post will get props in my first book. Be it this incident or even if I don't put one out for another 90 years. You'll be the ones responsible for the book being out and you'll get your credit.
If anyone wants to save me. Please for the love of anything you believe in say hi, give me a hug, help me out. take my mind off of everything. Anything.....

Hello readers,
Knowing that you all give a crap aboput what goes on in my life, I decided it ios time for an update. I'm in my first class of my third day of college. Were gonna learn some C# and I am really really early, so here I am.

Guess what, sub is here. Mrs. Gannnett. Yay. We don't have anything to do so I'll probably just get to spend two hours on the computer.

+WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I...+
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:

+WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY...+
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Family:

+WOULD YOU...+
Be my friend?:
Keep a secret if I told you one?:
Hold my hand?:
Take a bullet for me?:
Keep in touch?:
Try and solve my problems?:
Love me?:
Date me?:

+HAVE YOU EVER...+
Lied to make me feel better?:
Wanted to kiss me?:
Wanted to kill me?:
Broke my heart?:
Kept something important from me?:
Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

+AND MORE...+
1. Who are you?:
2. Are we friends?:
3. When and how did we meet?:
6. Describe me in one word.:
7. What was your first impression?:
8. Do you still think that way about me now?:
9. What reminds you of me?:
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
11. How well do you know me?:
12. When's the last time you saw me?:
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
14. Are you gonna paste this to your journal see what I say about you?